Beauty From Chaos

I read a great post this morning about striving to be a perfect mom and it really hit home. Not too long ago that was me losing control, screaming, longing to just be alone for a few days. no kids. I couldn’t handle them, they were too much. They didn’t listen, in fact they did the opposite of what I said. Lexi screamed at me, threw temper tantrums if she didn’t get her way. My life was miserable because I couldn’t make my kids obey. we went on vacation and I was embarrassed at my children’s behavior, so embarrassed I cried when I left my friend’s house because I felt like I had completely failed as a mom.

It wasn’t until two weeks ago that it honestly hit me… I CAN’T DO IT. That’s what God wanted me to realize. Just like my friend Beth says in her post, we can’t be a perfect mother by our own power, even if we somehow could achieve this, how would it glorify Him?

Although I didn’t stop reading my Bible I wasn’t applying anything. Like someone wanting to lose weight can read all the success stories they want but until they diet and exercise nothing is going to change! As Christians we do the same thing, we read a chapter of our Bible a day and walk away thinking that we’re going to become great Christians, perfect parents, spouses and friends all because we read a verse. It’s not going to happen that way. You have to actually choose to starve the flesh and feed the spirit, you have to choose to put on the armor of Christ, you have to choose to show the fruit of the spirit not the vices of the world. I was choosing the opposite of what I was reading.

What will you choose today? Today is a lot to think about, so maybe we should break it down a bit. What will you choose when your child disobeys?  What will you choose when the kids are fighting? What will it be, the fruit of the spirit or the fruit of the flesh?

Lately I’ve been feeling motivated to get rid of stuff. It started a few months ago, we had a yard sale, and although not much sold I was determined not to bring the junk back in my house so we donated it to a place that GIVES away stuff to those in need. I would much rather donate my stuff to people who will give it away than to a place like Salvation Army or Goodwill that sells it. Anyway…

That was a car full of stuff and it made me content for a little while. Then Kacie started talking about decluttering, and even linked to someone who has a challenge going on right now to get rid of an average of 2 items per day for the whole year of 2010.  It really made me think,  because 730 things seems like a lot to get rid of and I wasn’t sure if I had that much stuff! Then I thought about how much I got rid of at the yard sale, If you count each item of clothing plus the toys it was at least 200 things.  That’s when I decided to just see what I could find.  being that we have two kids and another due in December, we will be getting a lot of stuff for birthdays and Christmas, stuff gets brought in this house every month so it only makes sense for stuff to go out every month too.  After all, there’s only so much space in this house.

Last night I started with a little spot in the girls closet that I had noticed stuff piling up, I found 5 things there, and organized the rest. Then I moved to the linen closet. Which is also our medicine/extra stuff closet. Yah, I found a ton there. Probably 50 things, most of which I threw away.  After we find out if this little baby inside of me is a boy or a girl it will help a ton. If it’s a boy, there will be totes of baby girl clothes and blankets headed out the door!

I’m sure after we go through our dressers, closets and under our beds we’ll find a bunch more.  I’m so excited for even more organization. Organization gets me so pumped. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like there’s no more room for improvement, clutter is everywhere!

I’m a little over 16 weeks, I’ve taken two belly shots so far, one at 14 weeks and one at 16 weeks. I will share them with you… The first one (outside) is 14 weeks, the second is the 16 weeks. Yes, I know I’m huge already.  When compared to my pregnancy with Lexi my 16 week shot is about the same as my 19 week shot. With Caylee the 16 compares to the 17 week shot- sort of. I was SO big with Caylee that I look way different.

In two weeks (July 12th) we have an ultra sound to find out the gender! I’m so excited. We’re hoping for a boy, I’m getting sick of pink and drama, but if it’s another girl that’s fine with us, We really just want a HEALTHY baby!!  I’ve felt movement off and on for a few weeks now, nothing consistent yet, but I’m sure it’s coming soon.

Father’s day we spent 4 hours in the Emergency room because I was bleeding, after tests and an ultra sound they had no reason for it, and told me to follow up with my dr but that the baby and everything looked fine. I went to my dr the next day and they told me the same thing, that it must just be “old blood” coming out. So who knows what is going on, all I know is the Ultra Sound they did in the ER showed a healthy moving baby with a strong heart beat. Praise the Lord. I’m still having some of the blood come out over a week later, but I’m trying not to get concerned about it since everything was fine!

Anyway, here are the pictures you’re waiting for!

I just went ballistic and spazzed out over soda cans. My husband is a bit of a Mt. Dew fan, and now his cousin (who is also a Mt Dew fan, is staying with us. They go through quite a few cans a day, which means a lot of empty cans sitting around.

Thankfully they don’t leave them spread out through the whole house, just in one or two spots. However, I HATE seeing them pile up. Even one can on the counter drives me insane. It is a rule that they must be rinsed before being left on the counter, and I love my husband because he at least does that much.

However this morning I went crazy. there were maybe 8 cans on the counter, but there were ants all over the floor. I HATE ANTS. They will not go away. About a week ago I went ballistic and put the garbage can for the soda cans right outside the back door (right next to the counter they get stacked on). I thought it would help keep them off the counter. It didn’t. Well, it did because I kept throwing them in the can.

Anyway, I started grabbing the cans, rinsing them and brought them out back. Then realized the garbage can was full, so I dumped it all over the porch and started crushing them. They take up a lot less space that way. Then I came in the office where my husband was in search of cans, found about 5 more and i *might* have freaked out a bit and said I was about to ban all soda from my house. Then I went out and crushed them, and came in and apologized.

Why is it that things like empty soda cans can set me over the edge?

that’s what they say anyway. I beg to differ.

This week the days have seemed so long, so yesterday I decided we’d do activities and play together to make the time go faster.

We spent 2 hours outside playing with sidewalk chalk and having a snack. Then I laid the little ones down for a nap while the big two played in the mud outside. I then took my time to watch The price is Right. it’s become my daily time. of course I only get to watch half of it before either the babies wake up or the older two want lunch, but oh well.

Then we had lunch and finger painted, and took a bath and played outside again. and I thought for sure it was 5. It wasn’t even 3:30 yet.

I was planning on slowly stocking up on craft stuff and keeping the days busy with activities and organized play in addition to their normal free play. I really thought it would help make the day go faster, but now I’m starting to wonder if it will help at all.

Any thoughts from other parents? Oh in case you don’t know what I’m dealing with, I’ve got a 10 year old girl, an almost 4 year old girl, a 2.5 year old boy and an almost 2 year old girl.

A few weeks back we started our vacation with a 10 hour drive from our house to The Natural Mommy’s house.   We had an interesting few days before leaving and our trip was almost canceled due to illness. Saturday morning was spent in the Emergency Room while my husband rolled around in pain from a kidney stone, luckily he passed it Saturday night and was ready to go Sunday morning. However, Lexi woke up Sunday with a fever of 102.1.  Not sure if Beth would want an illness in her house I asked her opinion and she said to come anyway. So we started our drive.  Lexi refused to take any medicine to reduce her fever, but she slept most of the trip. We got there Sunday evening just in time for supper.

Monday Lexi’s fever broke she still had a runny nose and cough, but we managed to get out and have fun anyway. We went to the zoo near their house where the kids played in the fountains and looked at the animals, then we went to have lunch with the Natural Daddy at his work.   Tuesday we went to a coffee shop and park in the morning, then Beth and I got to go out ALONE Tuesday night! WOO HOO!

We spent lots of time in the little pool in their back yard, and hanging out around their house, it was so nice to get to see old friends, and to have our 5 kids meet! Yes, we had 5 kids, ages 5,4,3,2 and 1.

And yes, we passed our germs on and I know at least two of her kids got our sickness. Beth says it was worth it though.

So here are two pictures! Yes these are the only two good pictures I took. Beth took a lot of good ones, but I’m sure she’ll share them when she’s ready….

Well, Tuesday afternoon we had our first ultrasound to check on the baby. After having two miscarriages last summer they did one early to make sure things were going good. I went in at 11 weeks and 1 day, and during the ultrasound found out I was actually 12 weeks and 2 days. It was the fastest week and day ever!

We got to see the little beating heart, which brought tears to my eyes. Everything looked perfect, it’s jaw bones and nose bones were formed (which I guess is a good thing) and it was VERY, VERY active. I’m honestly surprised I haven’t felt it move yet with as much as it was moving. it kept stretching out and then curling back up, it was also moving it’s arms around a lot and turning. it was great to see.

Oh, the doctor even told me I could start running again, in fact he told me he would have never told me i had to stop. So I ran last night. I made it 1 mile. I did make the mistake of running RIGHT after eating, but even still it was pathetic. Like I had never ran before!

Two weeks ago my morning sickness seemed to go away, then this morning I got a little nauseous and couldn’t even brush my teeth. oh well, it’s not too bad.

This pregnancy is going by the fastest out of all of them, I’m not obsessed about it or what we “need” or anything like that. There is a small list of things I’d like and if it’s a boy there’s a small list we’ll need, but most of all the only thing I’m thinking about getting is a minivan! especially after this last camping trip, we barely fit in the car with just two kids!

In about 6 weeks or so we should have another ultra sound to tell us the gender, from there on I’ll probably start getting obsessed! of course I’ll be almost half way done by then anyway! Yay for a healthy baby!

I’ve got so much to fill you in on and TONS of pictures to post. the past two weeks I’ve pretty much been gone.

We spend 4 days with my friend Beth, 2 days with Eugene’s friend Cory, then 4 days with my family camping. We were sick the entire time, came home just in time for our first ultra sound (things are going good, I’ll post pictures and talk more about pregnancy in another post…).

Then it was two days of watching the kids, and tomorrow morning we leave for a youth campout for our church. I’m completely nervous because I will be talking to the girls about purity.

So I guess I better get packing for tomorrow!

Today I had my first Ob appointment, although I’m only 9 weeks a long and we didn’t get to hear the heart beat and they didn’t do an ultra sound for some reason the pregnancy started to feel real today.

I started dreaming about the newborn phase, the nursing, the snuggles, cute little baby clothes (which will hopefully be in blue this time…) I just can’t wait to see the cute little baby, the little toes and fingers, the soft skin and cute little nose. I can just see all those features on little photo cards announcing the arrival of our newest addition. Too bad we never actually get around to mailing those cards out that my husband designs.

I do have an ultra sound scheduled for two weeks from yesterday, it would be sooner but since I’m going to be gone all next week the earliest I could get in is the first. I can’t wait to see the baby, and just know that everything is alright. It will certainly give me a bit more peace.

I couldn’t be more excited right now. My little idea to go visit my best friend is ACTUALLY going to happen! Yup, Sunday morning we are getting in the car and driving to Central Indiana! I hope my friend has homeowners insurance or renters insurance or whatever cuz between her family and my family there will be 9 of us in her house. YAY

I’ve been told she has lots of stuff planned for us to do like going to parks and a zoo, and lots and lots of walks. I’m hoping that since she homeschools her daughter who is a year older than Lexi that Lexi will get to sit in on school and kinda get the feel for what’s supposed to happen. Then maybe Lexi will accept that mommy is the teacher and she needs to listen. If not I’ll ship her off to Beth to teach next year.

Anyway, I’m excited!